As a Unitarian Universalist minister, it is sometimes my role to answer correspondence that comes to our congregation from members of the community. Last night, I received this brief note in my inbox:
Good Evening:
I am very upset at the signage that is outside of your church stating that “Black Lives Matter.” Since when has God chosen to see us by the color of our skin. The sign should be taken down and replaced with ALL LIVES MATTER. How will this nation of ours ever join together if we are constantly looking at everyone by their race. Unless you were actually there in Ferguson or in New York or Cleveland, you do not have all the facts.
A Bucks County Resident
It’s a sentiment I’d heard before, and I gave a great deal of thought before sending the following response:
“Dear [name],
Thank you for writing with your concern. Of course all lives matter. Central to Unitarian Universalism is the affirmation of the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Sadly, our society has a long history of treating some people as less valuable than others. Study after study has confirmed that in equivalent situations, African Americans and Latinos are treated with deadly force far more often than White people, and authorities held less accountable. Unfortunately, racial bias continues to exist even when it is no longer conscious – this too is confirmed by multiple studies. A lack of accountability in the use of force combined with unconscious bias is too often a deadly combination – and one that could place police officers, as well as the public, in great danger.
To say that Black lives matter is not to say that other lives do not; indeed, it is quite the reverse – it is to recognize that all lives do matter, and to acknowledge that African Americans are often targeted unfairly (witness the number of African Americans accosted daily for no reason other than walking through a White neighborhood – including some, like young Trayvon Martin, who lost their lives) and that our society is not yet so advanced as to have become truly color blind. This means that many people of goodwill face the hard task of recognizing that these societal ills continue to exist, and that White privilege continues to exist, even though we wish it didn’t and would not have asked for it. I certainly agree that no loving God would judge anyone by skin color.
As a White man, I have never been followed by security in a department store, or been stopped by police for driving through a neighborhood in which I didn’t live. My African American friends have, almost to a person, had these experiences. Some have been through incidents that were far worse. I owe it to the ideal that we share, the ideal that all lives matter, to take their experiences seriously and listen to what they are saying. To deny the truth of these experiences because they make me uncomfortable would be to place my comfort above the safety of others, and I cannot do that.
I very much appreciate you writing to me, and am glad that we share the goal of coming to a day when people will not be judged, consciously or unconsciously, on the basis of their race. I believe that day is possible, too, but that it will take a great deal of work to get there. That work begins by listening to one another, and listening especially to the voices of those who have the least power in society. If nothing else is clear from the past few weeks, it is painfully evident that a great many people do not believe that they are treated fairly. Healing begins by listening to those voices and stories.
Thank you again for writing me.
In faith,
Rev. Dan Schatz, Minister
BuxMont Unitarian Universalist Fellowship”
I appreciate your well-considered response to the Bucks County resident. It’s nice to say All Lives Matter, but in our society so far, they don’t. I’m so very proud of this sign in front of my church.
Thanks for so eloquently explaining that, Dan.
This piece makes me so proud that I get to call you my Reverend! 🙂
One Love!
db
Thank you for putting that sign up. It’s a sign of moral courage, and we need more of that in the world.
Hat-tip to Rev. Christina Leone-Tracy for the phrase, “Of course all lives matter.” Of course they do.
Perhaps the letter writer see signs in front of Churches as religious messages such as words from the Bible, words from God.
Mark, I’m reminded of a parable:
When Jesus told the people to “love your neighbor as yourself,” he was asked, “And who is my neighbor?” He then told the famous story of a man who was attacked on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho, and left for dead. A priest went by, but ignored the man. So did a Levite. But a third man, a Samaritan, took pity on him. Now, Samaritans were a hated group – looked down upon and mistreated much as African Americans have been historically in this country. So when Jesus asked, “Which one of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell upon the robbers?” he knew he was challenging his audience, much in the way the phrase “Black lives matter” challenges many today. The answer was inevitable, though – “The one who showed mercy.”
And Jesus said, “Now go and do likewise.”
Thank you . . . for spelling out so clearly where healing begins – with listening to the stories . . . .
We can do this.
Your words model moral courage for us all.
What if the issue isn’t black and white? What if the issue includes Latino lives and Asian, Chinese, and Oriental lives? What if it includes Indians, aboriginal and from India, and Arabs? As a native Canadian I always notice when the US talks race, they always make it seem black and white. This is really yet another kind of privilege showing, where many assume you matter if you are white, or black, and then there are all those other people we don’t even acknowledge we see or talk about.
Yes, it is important that we don’t see race as merely a Black and White issue – being in a mixed race (South Asian and White) marriage with a mixed race child I am constantly aware of this. I am also aware, however, that different groups face different biases. The disproportionate level of force faced by African Americans, and the failure of our justice system to give appropriate attention to these incidents led to the slogan “Black Lives Matter.” At other times, it is important to talk about the issues faced by the Latino community, Asian communities, or other groups. Different groups may share some common experiences, but also have unique experiences depending on their own unique histories.
Hi, Dan. I am a UU seminarian in the Boston area. To read your brave words is heartening and inspiring. Stay strong and keep the faith,
Carolyn Mapes
As is often observed, we are never so segregated as we are on Sunday mornings in our churches.
Thank you Dan! What an excellent response! Standing on the Side of Love at Unitarian Universalists of Southern Delaware!
Diddo with Peggy from the UU of Southern Delware 🙂
Thank you for your very thoughtful and wise response, obviously grounded in a deep love for humanity…Robin Reichert, UU and lay speaker in Baptistown, NJ
I am going to try to stay as non political as possible, but if I read one more only black kids get hassled I will vomit. I do not deny racism, I do not hide my head to having to improve things, but I to read he was never got followed in a store because he was white. Well, he must have looked like a super nerd because if he had long hair or a heavy metal t shirt on or looked young he would have been. .Or maybe just never lived in an urban area. My brother and his friends were arrested for hanging on the corner across the street from out house. No they were not acting badly, not within reach of my Mom. When I was in my early twenties my sister told me she had been asked to leave the bookstore in the mall. I asked why (I was over a decade older and sure she must have done something even though she was a very quiet easy kid.) She said she was looking through a book. I couldn’t believe it…of course one looks through books before you buy. She told me that if I looked like a teacher (I did and I was) I could and if you looked like a teenager you couldn’t. She was 12, I was 23.) She challenged me to dress differently and go shopping. I made myself a long “hippie dress”, loosened my hair, washed off all makeup and went out with her. Everywhere we were, some employee was folding or putting away something. We were so under surveillance. After several experiences, we went to a Dunkin Donuts and the woman waited on some guys who came in behind us. OK, hard to call. Then, still ignoring us, she asked some newcomers if she could help them. Too much for me, I dragged out my teacher voice, “NO. YOU MAY HELP US!” I gave her the order, asked if she was sure she had it.
A couple of decades later, my son and his friends used to go in a big group to a big box store and scatter and let store detectives decide who to follow. One day he asked a detective who was following him if the detective would just leave him alone and frisk him on the way out. Having long hair is enough even if you are of English/Irish descent. He and his brother were told by the police to move along or be arrested for vagrancy when they were waiting for us by a wall in the middle of Newport….they were 14 and 17 and waiting for their parents.
I have watched white teenagers asked to leave a mall because they were sitting on a bench talking…..not being in anyway disruptive or loud. I asked the mall cop if I was going to be run in because I was tired and just sitting on a bench. I was quite rudely told to stay out of it. Now I am almost 70 and I have several times read blogs by black mothers saying their son was followed when he was at 7/11. My main response was that she needed more white friends and she would have found out that in that case, the teenage was the big factor.
No, I do not equate this to the systematic racism that many people experience, but when you go too far as in no white person has ever been followed in a store or treated badly, you undermine your entire argument…..and make yourself silly.
While I appreciate your point, nobody is saying that White people never have such experiences, and I certainly did not say that – I wrote from my personal experience. But I would also submit that such incidents are FAR more commonly experienced by African Americans, and not just kids – adults in mid-life, dressed in professional work clothes have this happen.
I’ll give you an example – while traveling in Ohio, I stopped at a hotel for the night. The clerk told me there were two rooms, a small one and a larger one. I said I’d take the smaller one. As I was leaving the desk a truck driver came in, an African American. The clerk took one look at him and said, “Sorry, we’re completely full.” I turned around and said, “What about that big room you just told me you had?” “Oh. Uh,” she said, “If you want that one, but it’s fifty dollars more.” He took the room, and thanked me on the way out. My one regret in that story is not walking out and finding another hotel myself.
So while describing the difference between my experience and many African Americans in no way diminishes the real issues faced by people of all races, I hope it can highlight the reality of the systemic racism which you and I both acknowledge exists.
I’d also like to remind everyone of the guidelines in the “About” page of this blog, courtesy of Rev. Amy Zucker-Morgenstern from Sermons in Stones – “Disagreement is welcome, disagreeableness is not. My guidelines in deciding which comments to approve are good manners and common sense, and while I value tangents as a hallmark of creative conversation, persistently using the comments section as a grindstone for your particular axe will irritate your host.”
According to the FBI, 38.3% of violent crimes in 2011 were committed by black offenders. Of all arrests in 2011, 49.7% were black. Since the population of the U.S. is comprised of only 13.2 percent blacks. (federal census figures) I might understand, based on these numbers you might expect police to follow the black. Of course, other factors, such as dress, personal demeanor and attitude all would figure in. This would be true in all races and ethnic groups. By the same logic, if I was mugged by a short obese oriental. I would expect the police to look for an individual matching that description. I would have no problem accepting this. This type of profiling makes sense.
I’m not sure where your data comes from. After seeing your comment I looked it up on the FBI website for the year you cited and in fact only 28.4% of of arrests were of African Americans. Still out of proportion, but not nearly as weighted as you believe. Even so, arrests are not convictions – so the deeply out of proportion arrest rates of African Americans actually highlights my point – some racial groups are being targeted, and different ethnicities receive different treatment. As is often pointed out, many of these disparities also have a lot to do with poverty – but that lasting poverty is in itself a product of systemic racism.
But even if arrests rates are different, I can’t see that this justifies profiling an entire race of people, and it certainly doesn’t justify the violence.
And of course, nobody has said that race can’t be included in a physical description of a suspect.
One last point – a couple of people have used the term “Orientals” in this forum. While not quite as bad as the “N” word, it’s really considered quite outdated and somewhat offensive. We could do a whole separate forum on the changes in the use of language around race, but it’s easier to just let folks know.
I was told by my daughter years ago that Oriental referred to an object, Asian referrered to a person.
What if we grant your premise and say that criminal behavior is disproportionately concentrated in a specific race? The conclusion that profiling is warranted still does not follow because the vast majority of the members of that race are law abiding, and because of 1) the correlation between race and poverty in America and 2) the consistent rise in segregation by income in America those law abiding members of that race are far more likely to be victims of crime.
So now we are endorsing police tactics that victimize the law abiding majority TWICE — first, by the minority of people who commit crimes and second, by the police themselves who profile members of the community and break down their trust that law enforcement is there to protect them rather than to harass them.
Profiling is a moral failure, a legal failure, and a tactical failure.
First I would like to say that Dan has inspired me to go back to my UU congregation here in Harrisburg. What wonderful thoughtful responses. Secondly I would like to share for Maryann, there is a huge difference for those of us that are white and those of us who are not. As a teenager in Philly I had purple spiked hair, I no longer do, so I blend in with every other privileged white person. I say privilege because we are born with it and do not have this advantage because of anything we earned etc.Those of other races, for the most part, cannot make that change. The different reactions I have when I go somewhere by myself or only with white friends and when I go with african-american friends is very distinct. I will not bore you with the details, but please believe that part of the privilege we have as white people in the US, is that we can dress conservatively, act conservatively etc to avoid the kind of life threatening abuse people of color live with the threat of.
dan; honesty and responsibility are now outdated and offensive to some people. I don’t believe that they are. my wife and relatives laughed at your comment of oriental being outdated, should I tell them they should be offended?
When we are talking about sensitive issues it behooves us to use language carefully. When we do not, it undermines what we are saying and cuts off avenues of communication. I would hope it is more important to us to speak, listen and learn with and from each other than to stand on personal pride.
you ignored my prior comment in which i used the term oriental. my wife of over 54 years is oriental and describes themselves as such. so do our relatives and children. I will tell them to not be proud of their heritage. hope it doesn’t shock them too much to know they were being offensive all these years. in my 55 plus years as a Unitarian, I don’t believe I have offended anyone with that term. apparently we have different meaning for words than you do. wonder why you don’t publish all comments. don’t think I offended you, however I did disagree with you. maybe that is the reason.
I have published every comment thus far. Use of language changes; being in a mixed race marriage myself I’m well aware of the difference among generations in levels comfort with different terms. My reply was intended as helpful feedback; perhaps I should have said, “Some people find the term mildly offensive.” As to disagreement, again – “Disagreement is welcome; disagreeableness is not.”
“Oriental” is offensive and, historically speaking, incorrect. The word that has taken its place is most often “Asian.” Also, making fun of or insulting a minister who is simply trying to attempt education. But, there will always be people who cannot tolerate change – it is too frightening.
Times DO change – sometimes for the good, sometimes not. The bottom line is that we must eliminate profiling because of how it is affecting the lives of an entire group of people. People of color – this is their time to speak and for whites to shut up and listen. And listen…
Pity the privileged white man who happens to be a jew, or “himey” as the Rev. Jesse Jackson prefers. For his castigation dates back millenia, not just mere centuries. At least blacks have always been, to my knowledge, allowed entry in American ports. But “privileged” white Jews were turned away within the current century.
Yes, Jewish refugees were turned away, and there is a terrible history of anti-semitism in this country. If you get the chance, listen to this beautiful song by my friend Si Kahn, in which he draws the connection between what happened to Jews during World War II and the current questions around immigration.
That said, this is not a conversation about anti-semitism or immigration. We are talking about the African American experience in this country – at other times it will be appropriate to talk about other experiences. To acknowledge the injustice faced by one group is not to minimize the sufferings of another, just as spending resources on finding a cure for one disease does not minimize the importance of the other. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”
Other bad stuff has happened. Yes, but what does that have to do with the issue at hand? Are you using it as a distraction? Do you not understand the extent of the current problem. Just saw a documentary last night, called The Throwaways highlighting how blacks are undervalued and more likely killed by police. The really horrifying part was that the movie was made in 2011, way before any white people woke up. This is not a current phenomenon. It is a continuing abuse.
By ‘always been allowed entry in American ports’ do you mean when they were brought into American ports as property? Not human, but legally as chattel slavery? Brought into the Americas by the millions as non-human property is what you think of as ‘always allowed entry’? And to this ‘allowed entry’ you cite as better than the treatment given to Jews who whether turned away or allowed in, were always regarded as human beings free from slavery? And if you reference the 1900s, where African-Americans were still fighting to avoid cross-burning KKK groups, facing racial attacks on towns like Rosewood (see the Red Summer), were denied voting rights, denied equal access to public places (see Jim Crow) – and these were AMERICAN CITIZENS – you bemoan the idea that they were allowed entry in American ports, compared to non-Citizens coming from other countries? Your disdain for African-Americans, your belief that Jewish people inherently deserved better treatment than African-Americans in any situation, and your idea that all of the suffering, de jure and de facto denial of being even human while held for centuries as property brutalized is non-existent erases any basic grasp of history (documented fact, not opinion) when you say blacks have always been allowed entry. To your knowledge? Only an absence of knowledge and an abundance of bigotry created your view. You should be ashamed of yourself, much the same way a German person should if they deny the holocaust and the treatment of Jewish people prior to that horror. Hundreds of millions of Africans over centuries died in the Americans – that is a horror too, you know – even if for your view they were ‘just’ black people.
I hesitated before publishing this comment. I appreciate the basic point made here – I too noted that “ports being open” to people from Africa was a poor choice of phrase, but I hoped it was a thoughtless one rather than ill intentioned. In any case, I would like us to refrain from name calling in this forum, even if we strenuously disagree with what another has said. That’s not how people of goodwill talk with each other. I’m keeping the comment unedited, but I would really not like to see us go down the road of accusations about one another, and I will exercise moderator’s privileges if need be.
Once again I’d like to remind people to please follow the comments guidelines for this blog. We are having a conversation and listening to each other with respect. This is not one of those forums in which abusive language, insults, or ad hominem attacks can be accepted. I try to err in the side of approving comments, as long as there is a substantive point, so please understand that I am open to disagreement. By talking and listening with one another we effect change. But I will moderate comments that do not contribute to the overall conversation in any way or address the topic at hand.
And yes, to an earlier comment – the use of language changes with time and terms that were once common can sound very jarring to new generations. I’ve had to be corrected myself sometimes, but I try to take seriously what others tell me, even if it challenges what I am very used to. Anything I’ve said in reference to the language has been said in good faith, in the spirit of strengthening, not undermining, the points others are trying to make.
Also, at least one person has referred to a comment that I never saw – not sure what to say there, other than I can only approve comments WordPress shows me, and it’s possible there was bug in the system somewhere.
The focus on the very specific exposure of Young Black Men to The fullest forces of Violence and Despair in our society need go no further than a very quick review of Murder Victims, Drug Violence Deaths, and Prison Populations at all levels. The rates are staggering, beyond being frightening.
We’ve needed to address this waste of talent and life for a very long time. There are elements of these protests and the positions expressed that I find absolutely repulsive…and beyond Logic.
Maybe we can agree that the Lives of Young Black Men are Important… and maybe we can also agree that they are desperately at risk. We should start with that Reality. The rest of this “discussion” will become much clearer when we can do that.
The problems in Ferguson…. In Staten Island… in any room in which you’re standing… they are caused and solved by the people in that room. It would be nice if we helped…and it would help if we would AT LEAST get out of the way of allowing some progress to happen.
However, you are looking at this only through a white man’s eyes. Why not look through it through the eyes of the other minorities in this country?
I am of Caribbean Indian & European heritage. While my sibling looks like a white man, I favor the Mestizo heritage we share. Trust me, this is a big deal. While most of my family of mixed blood try to hide their roots, I am quite proud of mine. However, that comes with a price.
Moving forward, I HAVE been followed in a store, followed through a wealthy, predominantly white, neighborhood while delivering packages offered through the family business, I have been spoken to as if I do not hold a degree in field, meant to feel less (even by my own family) because I chose stand up for my heritage, instead of trying to convince everyone I am white.
This happened to me throughout school also, but not just from white kids. Please know that reverse racism exists, and is alive and well. What culture do you raise a child whose heritage is both black and white? Not readily accepted by either culture, yet we hear how only white folks are racist. While I take nothing from their plight, as none of should be treated unfairly, I watch worse happen to the Aboriginal population of the Americas on a daily basis. Not to mention that our culture has been part of the longest running genocide in the history of man, since Europeans landed. We are told that this is what happens when conquests happen, that having our religion taken away (some part of it are still illegal in certain states), forced off land for foreign companies, land/water supply being polluted, and everything else that people do not realize that still going on today.
An unarmed Native man was shot by a white cop.about a week ago, an eight year old native girl was tasered by police a few days ago. Where is the outrage? Is not as if it has not been reported.
As a fellow minority, I feel for them, but I am so tired of the righteous White people in this country deciding which minority is more downtrodden that the others, the unintentional race baiting, and the acceptance by those who fight for the rights of one race, to unknowingly declare that all others must accept their circumstances by having the “I am seeking it as a white person” POV. This country is not just black and white Reverend, it is a box full of many colors. When you raise one above all you do is unknowingly further degrade the others.
&You’re absolutely right that the country isn’t Black and White, and there are many, many issues to be dealt with. As I mentioned in an earlier comment, I am the father of a mixed race child, and am in a mixed race marriage, so I am keenly aware of the panoply of ethnic backgrounds and colors. Indeed, that reality has opened my eyes in many ways to the White privilege from which I benefit.
Incidentally, in the original letter I mentioned Latinos, as well as African Americans, who are placed at greater risk – you are right that Native Americans – in many ways a super-oppressed group, face similar horrors and others absolutely unique to their group.
But again, to lift up the suffering of one group is not to diminish the suffering of another, or to choose which is the most downtrodden – a contest that would serve nobody’s interest except perhaps those who would stand in the way of any change. Right now we are talking about experiences in the African American community, some shared and some not shared with various other groups. At other times we talk about issues facing other groups. (See, for example, my post earlier this year on How Not to Celebrate Cinco de Mayo.) If we were to neglect the issues facing some groups solely because other groups exist, all such issues would get ignored. That feeds into the myth of America as a color blind country, which is comforting and a good ideal, but as you observe, not the reality we face.
So I hope everyone understands that while the topic at hand is African American lives, and the writer is White, responding to a specific letter received by my congregation, race in America is far more complicated than that.
It is so sad to me that any of the above conversations have to take place. I am not a “privileged” white person. I am a person who happens to be caucasian and now I live on welfare because for one thing I happen also to be a single woman and disabled. If we want to talk about profiling or minorities; I could add a lot since I now am one but that is part of the dissension in this country. I have lived 72 years and seen the riots of the 60’s; blacks unable to sit down on a bus and yes, I was “privileged” to sit but I was too embarrassed even then to enjoy the privilege. I knew it wasn’t right. I hurt every time I see injustice whether it’s slavery, concentration camps for Jews or the extinction of the Native American but I don’t know what else I can do to assuage any suffering. There is much suffering in the United States and I worry now for the future of my grandchildren. No, they will never be biased against anyone of color or sexual orientation or any of the reasons people discriminate but will they be discriminated against because they had the poor fortune to be born white? America is creating an atmosphere of shame for any ethnicity. I know the message here was to shed light on the plights of black men and women being profiled by the police and unfortunately, that is too true for SOME POLICE PERSONS but not all. Just as some black officers are biased against whites but no one is holding that banner up. Neither are they holding the banner for the many police who do their job responsibly. I ask you to print or look up-story for story-when a police person helped a person of another color or did not tase or shoot them. My bias right now is that the media and social media are responsible for most of the great divide in this country. As long as people (including myself) can sit anonymously at their electronic devices and say anything to a faceless audience the dissension will continue to mount, I’m afraid. Never in my life have the inflammatory speech said to me online at times been said to my face. Yes, it is all an outrage but we do all matter and until people accept that…..no one matters. I was taught to respect authority and to respect other’s opinions whether different from mine or not. In Sunday School, I was taught: “Red or Yellow, Black or White, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.” What happened to those teachings? Not the religious part as I know to some that is inflammatory but just respect Respect for authority; respect for other’s opinions; lifestyle, differences, color; respect for all. There are bad apples in the bunch; don’t let them make our Nation rot.
Addendum to above: When I say “bad apples,” I don’t mean people arrested or accused of a crime; I mean the people who don’t treat their fellow human being respectfully; whether arresting them or talking to them online or profiling them.
All you do by posting “black lives matter” is keeping that very same segregation alive, showing that skin color isn’t equal, if you want to stop racism stop all of it, including your own, not just against blacks but against all living creatures of the earth
I continue to be astonished by the idea that those who acknowledge that race exists, and that disparities exist in the way society treats different groups, are somehow racists. By this logic Dr. Martin Luther King was a racist, as were all of the White allies who marched with him. I’m not sure whether it is intended with the purpose of maintaining those disparities or whether it is a defense mechanism for those who would rather not face uncomfortable truths, but still want to believe themselves to be good people. Being by nature an optimist, I tend to assume the latter.
A dear friend wrote, and I share, the following, unedited:
The following is an allegory written in response to repeated observations of interactions between people of marginalized populations and others of majority populations. It does not attempt to adequately represent everything about those interactions, the contexts in which they happen, or how things might change. Feel free to share.
“Joe is walking down the street and he hears screaming coming from around the corner. Joe quickly turns the corner and sees a guy lying in the middle of the crosswalk, screaming in pain and fear, with one leg pinned to the pavement by the wheel of a car that has just hit him.
“Joe runs to the guy and asks, ‘What happened?! Are you okay?’
“Tim, the guy who’s been run over, looks up at Joe with an expression of shock that quickly changes to anger, and he shouts, ‘What the f#@&?! Hell no, I’m not okay!! I’ve been run over by this g*%%amn car!! Will you help me, please?!’
“Joe replies, ‘Umm, sir, I’d like to help you, but you’re going to have to settle down. I don’t appreciate your language or your tone of voice.’
“Tim shakes his head and scowls as he growls, ‘What?!! Are you f#@&ing kidding me?! Seriously?!’
“Joe nods, ‘Yes, I’m serious. It’s important to be nice. Do you want my help or not?’
“Tim nods desperately, ‘Okay, okay, mister. Yes, will you please help me?’
“Joe smiles, ‘Ahh, now see, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Okay, so how did this happen?’
“’Huh?’ Tim looks into Joe’s eyes with disbelief. ‘What’s that got to do with anything right now? Just please get this car off of me!’
“Joe frowns and replies, ‘Do I have to ask you again about your tone of voice?’
“Tim looks around to see if there is anyone else available to help, but there isn’t. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to speak slowly and without much emotion. ‘I’m sorry. I’m in a lot of pain, and it’s scary to be out here on the road like this. Please tell the driver to carefully back up so I can at least crawl to the side of the road.’
“Joe says, ‘There’s nobody in the car.’
“Tim groans, ‘Ohh, the driver must’ve run. Could you move it, please?’
“’No,’ Joe shakes his head. ‘I’m very sorry you’re stuck here, but this isn’t my car and I’m not responsible for it. Besides, I’m starting to think all of this looks very suspicious. Just what were you doing out here in the road that resulted in this car on your leg?’
“Tim gasps, ‘What the hell is wrong with you?!’ Then he explodes, ‘GET IN THE F#@&ING CAR AND GET IT OFF MY LEG! NOW!!!’
“Joe huffs, ‘Hmh. You’re obviously a very hostile and unreasonable person, and I suspect you did something to deserve this. Did you look both ways before you entered the crosswalk?’
“’ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!’ Tim screams.
“’Alright, sir, that’s quite enough. I won’t subject myself to your abuse any longer,’ Joe says before he starts turning to walk away.
“Tim reaches out and pleas, ‘Wait! Please, sir? I’m sorry! I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave me here like this, mister. Please? I’ll try to be nice.’
“Joe pauses to think about it, and answers, ‘Well, okay, but it isn’t enough to just try to be nice. You know what Yoda said, ‘Do, or do not. There is no try.’ I mean, just look at me. I’m standing here being perfectly polite despite your nastiness. Please, keep in mind that I’m not the one who was driving this car. If you have to be so negative, save it for that person. And don’t forget to count your blessings here. This situation could be much worse.’
“‘Anyway, you really need to meet me halfway. Do you think I like seeing and hearing you in pain? This isn’t fun for me, you know. It’s actually quite stressful. Besides, I’ve got my own life, and now I’m even running late because of you. You should thank me for being here at all. Did you ever think about any of those things? Goodness, have a little sympathy, man.’
“Tim’s face goes blank as he lowers the back of his head to the pavement. ‘Yeah, I can see you have it rough too.
“Joe grins and nods, ‘Thank you. Yes, we’re all in this together, although I can’t hang around too much longer. But while I’m here, let’s get back to how you got into this predicament to begin with, and then maybe we can talk about the best way to deal with it, if I can still make the time for it.’”
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Commentary
After reading this allegory, I wrote:
“Imagine if Joe could know the impact of his worldview on that man pinned under the car. He likely couldn’t begin to accept that this is who he was really being. He saw himself as reasonable and above the fray. But he was in fact unknowingly aligned with the source of that man’s anguish; in a sense, a part of it. He could never have imagined that he was exacerbating the state of things.”
And here is my friend’s response:
“Yes, exactly. Joe knows he’s a good man. He knows he means well, that he has good intentions, that he wants to be helpful. The problem is that there’s a gap of empathy and understanding that he can’t seem to cross, and he’s not only unaware of the gap, but why it exists.”
“Of course, this story is surreal. It is so surreal that I’m sure some people will think it’s useless. But after having worked with many people who have suffered greatly in some way, I can attest that their experience of the “normal” world and its reactions to their suffering is often surreal for them. Actually, I think most people experience such moments in life when we are baffled that others just cannot seem to “get” our pain and what we need for healing. But the thing about this experience that is different for many people – such as people of color or LGBTQIA people – is that it can be an everyday part of their lives, being re-traumatized over and over, and often by people who mean well, which can include those of us who mean to be allies.”
Reverend Brother Shatz, you need a “like” button on here. May I ask your indulgence in allowing me to share my response to my friend’s commentary? In hopeful anticipation of the affirmative, I’ll post, and await your moderating decision. Btw, I found your blog because my wife posted a link to it in the same Facebook thread I previously shared. Here is my response (1/3)
People under a certain age have, in most cases, never had to know how to read a map; GPS and Googling directions have been a part of their lives since they were old enough to drive. If they drove past their exit for the bridge, the GPS simply reroutes them to the next available way to reach that bridge.
The national discourse on race, ethnicity, and inequality under color of law (such as it is) is very like the driving scenario.
There are some people who absolutely believe in the legitimacy of a heritage that was founded, earthfast, on the bedrock of chattel slavery, a heritage the economy of which so depended upon the forced labor of captives and any progeny they had that, rather than relinquish it, its supporters severed relations with and then aggressed against their own nation at Fort Sumpter.
Clearly, they have no wish to drive to and across the bridge you mention. That’s fine; there should be no compulsion in matters of conscience, however minuscule or myopic such conscience may be.
However, like Joe, there are many who articulate the claim of a different ethos. As we know, every claim must be supported by a logic path; it must be supported by reason(s), and each supporting reason must itself be supported by evidence.
2/3The problem with this is that the worldview is grounded, in part and to no small extent, in the affective vis-à-vis in the cognitive, and that places us squarely in the realm of hidden culture that must first be unearthed to even be known to those who are immersed therein.
Culture is the shared set of responses to solving the problems of adaptation to external environments and internal integration. It is, in great part, based in instrumental and terminal values (Rokeach, 1973), but whence come they?
We all have our conceptualizations of the ideal home, family life, neighborhood, cuisine, etc. Typically, these ideals are fashioned by the contexts of our primary socialization, being either reflective of these contexts or in spite of them.
The aggregate ideals are at the core of our sentiments and assumptions. Some of us here are old enough to remember songs that reminisced about the “good old days” of the Antebellum South; songs like “Carry Me Back To Old Virginny” and “Uncle Ned,” performed in blackface in the minstrel shows that were America’s first form of national popular entertainment (Riggs, 1987). These songs are cultural artifacts that are moored to deeply-felt sentiments. (Btw, this version of “Uncle Ned” is the sanitized one; the original used a different and far more odious word than “darky”).
These aggregate sentiments coalesce as values. It is the collective agreement surrounding shared values that become normative to the extent that a culture’s language, arts, industry, social structures, etc., are all reflective of those values.
This cultural milieu of tacit assumptions, the beliefs they engender, and the values to which they give embodiment, as it were, then becomes the “water” in which people swim as fish. Congenitally immersed in a culture’s norms thusly, just as the last thing a fish would notice is the water it swims in (Linton, 1936), so it is with people. This is why it takes so much effort to unearth these assumptions and, for the first time, to know them consciously and explicitly.
The problem is that they are often so divergent from what we have always believed of ourselves that we cannot believe that they can really be ours, and so first deny them, as Peter of Jesus, and then become angry at the possibility of association with them. For this reason, Black, Latin/Hispanic, Asian, and Indigenous peoples so often suspect White people who feel compelled to make the unsolicited proclamation that they aren’t racist. It almost always indicates that they haven’t completed the stages of assumption-excavation, if indeed they have yet begun.
3/3
As with grief, these are necessary stages. If we never reach acceptance, then we fall short of the impetus necessary to change them. You wrote:
“But the thing about this experience that is different for many people – such as people of color or LGBT people – is that it can be an everyday part of their lives, being re-traumatized over and over, and often by people who mean well.”
Indeed so. It creates a form of PTSD that the literature has begun to refer to as Post-Slavery Traumatic Syndrome–PTSS (De Gruy, 2005).
The stress created by this recursive re-traumatization, together with the fact that initial and transgenerational traumas have gone undiagnosed and untreated for centuries, creates a tremendous tension between the need to a) successfully adapt to external environments (i.e., make damned sure that the dominant culture-at-large, and White people individually, do not perceive you as threatening so that you can have a livelihood, an education, a safe home, and your life–your actual existence), and b) somehow concurrently achieve authentic integration of your psychological self. There is a substantial literature in this regard (Fanon, 1952; 1961; Baldwin, 1961; 1963; 1985; Lago, 1996, 2006; Leary-De Gruy, 2005; Muhammad, 1985; Nichols, 1976, 1987; Nobles, 1976; Riggs, 1987).
I must say, Chuck, that living under such conditions is utterly, indescribably exhausting. In such a social context as this, wherein one may be arbitrarily and brutally beaten or gunned down without having actually done anything to have deserved it, to have anyone respond to you in so oblivious a manner as did Joe in your analogical vignette is truly maddening. To post directional signs to that bridge at every possible location and opportunity and watch him blow by every single exit that might get him there while saying that he’s looking for it is thrice so.
When you can, do visit the TED.com site and view a short presentation by Dr. Frans de Waal on moral behavior in animals.
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Fanon, F. ([1952] 1967). Black skin, white masks (C. L. Markmann, Trans.). New York, NY: Grove Press.
Fanon, F. ([1961] 1963). The wretched of the Earth (C. Farrington, Trans.). New York, NY: Grove Weidenfeld.
Baldwin, J. A. (1961). Nobody knows my name: More notes of a native son. New York, NY: Dial Press.
Baldwin, J. A. (1963). The fire next time. New York, NY: Dial Press.
Baldwin, J. A. (1985). The price of the ticket. London: St. Martin’s Press.
Lago, C. (1996, 2006). Race, culture and counselling: The ongoing challenge (2nd ed.). Berkshire, UK: McGraw Hill Education.
Leary DeGruy, J. (2005). Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America’s Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing. Portland, OR: Uptone Press.
Linton, R. (1936). The study of man. New York: Appleton-Century-Crofts.
Muhammad, E. (1965). Message to the blackman. Chicago, IL: The Nation of Islam.
Nichols, E. (1976, 1987). Epistemology: The philosophical aspects of cultural difference. Washington, D.C.: Author.
Nobles, W. W. (1976). Extended self: Rethinking the so-called Negro self-concept. Journal of Black Psychology, 2(2), 15-24.
Riggs, M. (Writer). (1987). Ethnic notions: Black people in white minds [DVD]. In V. Kleiman (Producer). San Francisco, CA: California Newsreel.
Rokeach, M. (1973). The nature of human values. New York, NY: Free Press.